A Lesson From King and The Washing Machine
Hi! I am Dr. Chris. My partner, Kelly, and I, live in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma! I’d so go Thunder, or Boomer Sooner, Go Pokes, etc., but I really don’t understand sports. That’s another story for another day; it’s a good one!
This morning, our black golden doodle, King, decided to wake up early, or so I thought. Within minutes, he jumped up on the bed, vomited, switched sides, and went right back to sleep. There it was, the mess, waiting for me to do something about it, while he shifted as if it were not a big deal. I could not even attempt to go back to sleep. I looked at the clock. It was 7:00 a.m. Not early, not late, just right on time. Traditionally speaking, this is later than I usually wake up, as someone who has been accustomed and entrenched in early mornings because, remember, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise, or so my stepdad, Dan, said.
I cleaned up the mess, took the comforter off the bed, and put it in the washer on a heavy-duty cycle. I pushed start, turned off the laundry light, and went to make coffee and begin the day. As the morning progressed, I realized I did not hear the washer running any longer. It had paused fifteen minutes into the cycle. I tried every trick I could think of, but I could not get it to go. I chose the ultimate response. I unplugged it.
When I plugged it back in, nothing happened. I pushed buttons, tried to turn it on, and long-held every combination I could imagine to reset, restart, and recharge. Nothing worked. I stood there thinking of my dad, Sean, who swears by YouTube. If you know my mom, LouAnn, you know she says she doesn’t have patience, so I can most likely credit my lack of patience there. So, I do not think I have the patience for YouTube. I already watch most videos at double speed, and I am working on that, friends. So I did what I could think of next. I turned to ChatGPT.
I uploaded a picture of the washer, explained what I had tried, and asked it to help me solve the problem step by step. It did. We ruled out a variety of issues, but it came down to this. The washer could not release the water, so it still believed it was in the wash cycle. Because of that, it would not take a new command and remained locked as a safety precaution. The solution was to drain the water. Chat guided me through the process.
I was frustrated. Then I remembered something a creator named Carlea said on TikTok. “Everything is content.” That moment shifted my perspective. Maybe this was not about the washer at all. Maybe it was about patience. Maybe it was about kindness in motion.
I decided to record the journey. It reminded me of growing up on the farm in Wyandotte, of the folks in Tulsa, and of the stories of my family that taught me resourcefulness and compassion. Rutger Bregman, in Humankind, reminds us that the world is often better than we think. We just have to shift our perspective to see it.
I am grateful for AI, Chat, YouTube, or whatever resource helps us learn, grow, and adapt. These are tools meant to guide, not replace us. I am confident I could have called a handyman to help, but as resourceful as my dad is, and as much as my stepmom, Charlotte, loved a good deal at a yard sale, the hundred dollars it might have cost someone could be the difference between them or their family eating or not.
There is a fine line with AI. I share this experience not to talk about technology but to remind anyone reading that in moments of frustration or darkness, you are not alone. In moments of decision, be kind to yourself. Have grace. Have compassion. Do what is best for you.
Sometimes we need to pause, drain what no longer serves us, and remember that kindness, especially toward ourselves, resets the cycle. That is The Kind Advantage—learning to find grace in the mess and strength in the reset.
What I learned that morning was not about laundry or even about patience. It was about how easy it is to lose perspective when things stop working the way we expect. Life rarely asks for perfection, but it always invites presence. The small act of slowing down, breathing, and trying again is often what moves us forward.
The Science of Kindness shows that moments of frustration can become opportunities for regulation and growth. When we choose patience instead of anger, the brain’s amygdala quiets, allowing the prefrontal cortex—the center of reasoning, empathy, and problem solving—to take the lead. Kindness, then, becomes more than a moral choice; it becomes a neurological advantage.
In leadership, the same is true. Teams stall. Projects pause. People get stuck. Great leaders do not force momentum; they create conditions for renewal. They drain what no longer works, make space for reflection, and lead with compassion. In doing so, they model that kindness is not weakness but wisdom in motion.
5 ways to be the light when life gets stuck
Pause before you react. Take a breath before responding to what frustrates you. That pause is the first spark of light—it gives your brain a chance to reset and your heart a chance to lead. Think of your 6 favorite ice cream flavors, 6 favorite candies, or simply just count to 6.
Reframe the situation. Instead of asking, “Why is this happening to me?” try, “What is this teaching me?” Every inconvenience has the potential to become insight. Each experience is teaching us something should we choose to see it that way — it’s a choice.
Be gentle with yourself. The world does not need your perfection; it needs your presence. Let kindness toward yourself set the tone for how you approach challenges. If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself.
Reset your environment. When life feels stuck, do one small thing to move energy forward—open a window, wash a dish, send a kind message. Movement creates momentum. Yet, sometimes even this is too much, so just pause, breathe, name your emotion, and tell yourself it’s going to be okay, because it will be.
Choose patience as power. Patience is not passivity; it is mastery over reaction. When you remain calm, you stay connected to your own light—and you invite others to do the same. Grace, compassion, patience.
Being the Light doesn’t mean that life won’t throw challenges our way. It means that even in those hardships we choose kindness, grace, love, and light for ourselves and for others. It doesn’t mean that doing so is easy, but choosing kindness, and choosing to be the light when it’s difficult is when it matters the most. Life will life, but I want you to hear me when I say that you are greater than great. Grateful for you and always rooting for you.
Looking for Science of Kindness Resources? Check out the resources section.
Looking for videos of Dr. Chris delivering a dynamic, high-energy keynote and/or workshop? Check out the videos here.
Like The Kind Advantage with Be The Light strategies? Read other blog posts here.